We are on day 2 of term 3 at 4 year old kinder and there were tears again. It doesn’t matter what I seem to do, how I seem to help, there is no “fixing” this situation. On my walk today with Leo I gained a little clarity. To some it might seem so obvious but for me as a natural born “fixer” I genuinely want to help everyone and everything and of course being my own child that “need” amplifies.
What did I realise? What was my big epiphany? That I don’t need to FIX this. I need to SUPPORT her through this. Emotionally. Spiritually. Let her feel everything. Let her experience this as she came here to experience it. To not panic but observe because if I continually insert myself in these situations and handle them for her, she doesn’t learn anything. She doesn’t gain those crucial ‘Aha’ moments. Her pride in herself for those little wins will be stolen by the fact that I “controlled” everything.
It kills me to see her hurting. I feel her anxiousness. I validate her feelings and at the same time I also get frustrated because I’m at a loss at what else I could possibly do to help her. So much goes on behind the scenes. Kinesiology has been our biggest blessing this year. She’s had 2 sessions with Jessica at Element Wellness and Healing and the beauty of this treatment is that she doesn’t need to speak. When you have an extremely sensitive child and one who suffers from social anxiety or possibly like Gia, selective mutism it’s another battle you face trying to find the right fit in a professional to help them. Someone that understands them, someone with patience and in a way someone magical who can get them to open up. Everything takes time.
This school holidays were inundated with play dates, parties, outings and all the confidence boosting I could insert. I had hoped going into this term it would be a breath of fresh air. It just goes to show, you aren’t failing – you’re trying. We are all doing the very best we can with what we have.
I was talking to my sister in law yesterday because my nephew also struggles with anxiety. I thought to myself, we should actually be so proud. We are learning everything with them as they experience this. It’s not knowing and helping, it’s observing and seeking so that we can better understand and create a loving and supportive bubble.
Did we have these conversations with our parents as a child? I know I wouldn’t dare speak back to my mother or tell her how her actions made me ‘feel’. If I said something that wasn’t received well there was discipline. Different times, different methods.
How lucky I am to be able to be present with my children.
How lucky that I get to spend this time with them to understand them.
How lucky there are so many resources so accessible to us.
How lucky I can think of things outside of the box to help them.
We can choose to fall in a heap and feel sorry for ourselves or we can choose to celebrate the small wins and know that there is a greater plan in place. That the right things will come to us if we intuitively follow where our heart is leading us. I think the most important part of this journey is that I share how I’m feeling and what we’re going through because the right people genuinely care and just as you are offering support to your little ones, you in turn need that support offered to you. No one will understand because everyone’s situation is unique but that lonliness and at times despair, doesn’t need to eat silently away at you.