I still feel like in 2022 “money” is a taboo topic for some.
Some people will cringe, others will start to feel anxious and there will be those few that have no emotion or actually have a positive upbeat response.
I heard Georgie Stevenson describe money as an energy exchange and that concept was an extreme light bulb moment for me and made me sit there and re evaluate how I view money and how the conversations circulate in my environment around money.
I used to believe that money was greedy. That people who had it didn’t spend it wisely and so no, I was one of the few people who didn’t dream about winning the lotto because it never seemed like enough to ‘help’ everyone.
I know differently now and it generally always stems from our childhood (well it did for me). I grew up with a Mum who wanted to give us as much as she could, she would make it work and we were aware that it wasn’t so easy for her. On the other hand I had a Dad who had money, had his own business, sent my half brothers to the top private school yet somehow managed to screw the child support system so my mum got barely anything for us and complained about paying for our considerably cheaper school fees.
My mum never complained about anything. If I didn’t dig for information I wouldn’t even be aware of these facts but it shaped my money mindset. To me I thought everyone who had money was like him, that they were selfish and narrow minded individuals who just wanted to keep everything for themselves. Needless to say it has shaped me into a very independent person and one who doesn’t wish to rely on anyone. There’s been lots of shadow work I’ve had to uncover in the background to get me to where I am but it most certainly hasn’t been easy.
I am someone who likes to save. I won’t get myself into any debt that I can’t afford and although I might invest in quality things, if I don’t have it I’ll go without. Investing money in my business was a huge challenge for me because over the years I have spent sooo much money and although it has been there to spend I had to do that with the unknowing of when I would return an income. It was a decision I needed to make. I’ve only recently realised that I need to believe in my self worth to allow that to flow back into my life in the form of abundance. A simple thought can often be so challenging to integrate into your belief systems.
When I bought my first car (my little zippy Hyundai Getz) I had already left school. I was working 2 jobs because my trainee salary wasn’t going to pay it off sooner and I was very determined. I worked 7 days a week for the majority of my young life and if I was single/without kids you can probably guarantee I would still be doing the same right now! Work/life balance has never quite been a ‘thing’ for me. I grew up with my mum being a teacher and if you are blessed to have one of these humans in your life you would know, the work never stops. The dedication and work ethic is like nothing you’ve seen before. The late nights, the weekends, EVERY school holidays. It is intense but SO INSPIRING.
Fast forward to meeting Luke and if you’re in a circle with Maltese people you might have heard them refer to their kind as “tight asses”. We laugh and joke about it now but my goodness, this has been one of our constant relationship challenges.
I completely understand how ‘money’ can make or break relationships. It’s been one of our frustrations and something I have had to tread very carefully around over the years.
My anxiety to even go grocery shopping when I first had Jacob was through the roof. For the first time in my life I was having to rely on another person. I didn’t have an income from my employer and this was what we had agreed upon and I was not one bit comfortable with it.
When I went grocery shopping = comments like “What did you buy?” “How much did you spend?”
When a bill comes in = comments and emotions of negativity, complaints, stress, overwhelm
If I bought something for the house = “Why did you buy that?” “We don’t need it”
I want to leave my job = “You need to find something else before you leave”
Staying back/working overtime = “You don’t get paid for it so why are you doing it”
When you think about all the comments and emotions associated with the above you can see it’s not healthy but coming from an upbringing where money was lacking you understand it. It’s taken us a very long time to get to where we are. For me to plant the seed of just being grateful. How lucky we are to have a home we pay bills for. That money will flow just as easily into our lives as it does when we pay a bill.
We have been through the trenches of him being unemployed for long periods of time and multiple times over the years and being down to one wage while I’ve been at home with a newborn. Those pressures are enough to make or break and then you throw money stress onto that and it can lead to resentment, fighting and all kinds of catastrophic drama. It is a mere miracle that we are still together!
For bigger ticket items e.g. my thermomix I would never go and spend any kind of money of that sort without running it by him first. Hence why it took me so many years of asking before he relunctantly agreed. On the other hand, I am so much more flexible. I see how hard he works and I don’t believe that money should always be left for retirement. I think that things should be enjoyed in the present moment (within reason of course). So when he wants to invest in hunting gear or buy something fishing related I encourage it (and believe me when I tell you the man has expensive hobbies. He would be much better off getting into craft!) GO on the trip, buy the thing… If you aren’t breaking the budget then why can’t you have these things. Life is to be enjoyed in the present moment if you have the means to do it.
Most recently for my birthday he bought me a laptop. THIS IS HUGE. It was a mac and we all know they are incredible but on the pricey side. I may have secretly known this because I saw a transaction on the bank account but my brain was in half disbelief because unless it was something for his hobbies he would never justify spending that kind of money on something he doesn’t understand the value of. This is another block I feel as though most people encounter and we most certainly have. You may see the value in a designer bag and your partner may see that as a waste of money. Different things bring different people joy and I think sometimes it also comes down to respect. Having respect that you may not understand what that person sees as valuable or justifiable but supporting them because that support should be reciprocated.
We’ve been together for a long while now and I am a little head strong in how I am and what I believe in. I don’t believe in changing for anyone when the qualities they are critisising are actually positive. Being a generous and giving person doesn’t make you a bad person, especially when those you are showing that love to aren’t taking advantage of you. I am a full circle person and I do believe the good you put out into the world will reward you in other ways. I don’t think that should be your sole intension for the deeds you do but if you withhold that mindset I believe in time the universe has a magical way of bringing forth your desires.